Self-worth is the intrinsic belief that we are valuable, deserving of love, and capable of achieving our goals. It’s not about arrogance or thinking we’re superior to others, but rather having a sense of inner confidence and acceptance. 

Yet, for many of us, our self-worth can fluctuate depending on external factors—how others treat us, how successful we are, or even how we look in the mirror - myself included. But when your sense of self-worth is low, it can have a profound impact on your mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. And if your conscious thinking is not on the same level as your subconscious thinking, you know you're in trouble. Do you find yourself thinking, "Am I being narcissistic here, or do I deserve this?" Join the queue when it comes to that kind of ruminating. The self-worth alarms are going off.

The good news is that self-worth isn’t fixed. You can change it. Let’s explore how to recognise when your self-worth is low and the steps you can take to improve it.

Low self-worth is often insidious. It doesn’t always come in the form of overt negativity; instead, it tends to show up in more subtle ways. Some signs that you might be struggling with low self-worth or self-worth issues include:

• Constant self-criticism: You’re quick to put yourself down, dismiss your achievements, or minimise your qualities.
• People-pleasing: You go out of your way to meet others' needs or expectations, often at the expense of your own.
• Difficulty accepting compliments: When someone offers you praise or admiration, you deflect or doubt their sincerity.
• Fear of rejection: You avoid situations or opportunities because you’re afraid of being judged or rejected.
• Over-apologising: You apologise excessively, even when it’s unnecessary because you feel like you’re always in the way or doing something wrong. A clear sign of low self-worth.

If any of these resonate with you, it may be an indication that your self-worth has been compromised. I spent most of my life being a "YES man", but not anymore. And don’t worry—there’s hope. Recognising the issue is the first step toward change.

Here's a quick recommendation to any of the readers out there. Mark Manson's 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck' did wonders for me.

Before we dive into how to improve self-worth, it’s helpful to understand why it may be low in the first place. There are many reasons people struggle with self-worth, including:

1. Childhood experiences and trauma: Negative experiences in childhood—whether it’s neglect, criticism, or lack of emotional support—can leave lasting scars on how we view ourselves and our sense of self-worth. If you grew up in an environment where love or approval felt conditional, you might have internalised the belief that you must earn love and respect. I was bullied on the playground in primary school over my appearance, and later in the swimming pool. The effects of this were manyfold; I built these walls of 'being the liked guy' as a defence mechanism, and it also meant I didn't learn to swim until I was in my thirties. This shows how much low self-worth can impact your life.

2. Societal pressures: Social media, advertising, and even our culture can place unrealistic standards on beauty, success, or social status. Constantly comparing ourselves to curated images of perfection can create a false sense of inadequacy. One second you're doing great, happy with how you're going through life then literally a 10 second scroll on Instagram can zap that away from you, when you see some guy you know achieve a big goal that you deem being better than your own situation.

3. Past failures: If you’ve experienced setbacks or failures, it’s easy to internalise those experiences and believe they define your worth. But one mistake—or even a series of mistakes—doesn’t make you a failure. That whole 'Could have done better' mantra, or 'imposter syndrome' is rife in society at present.

4. Toxic relationships: Whether romantic, familial, or professional, relationships where you’re consistently put down or made to feel unworthy can seriously damage your self-esteem and self-worth. These kinds of environments teach you to question your value. It can tell a lot about your emotional development when you start cutting friends out of your circles, and I don't mean this from an isolation perspective, I mean it from a maturity level. Stephen R Covey's 'Seven Habits of Highly Effective People' taught me this one. Why must you keep "friends" in your life if they aren't serving you? Here's the trick, you don't.

The journey to cultivating healthy self-worth is personal and ongoing. However, there are tangible steps you can take to start healing and transforming the way you view yourself.

The first step in improving your self-worth is identifying the negative thoughts that keep you stuck in a cycle of self-doubt. Start by becoming aware of how you speak to yourself. Do you tell yourself you're not good enough? That you don’t deserve love or success? I think being Irish, there's an innate ability in our DNA to put ourselves down more than the next person, due to our culture around self-worth. Whenever I get asked about my day, I usually default to the one negative thing that's occurred. Today, it could be that I spilt my coffee, tomorrow maybe I was stuck in traffic. But what about all the other amazing things I did on the same day? Woke up at 6am, ran the 440 Club, had a dip in the ocean, met a new friend, had a BBQ, had a family Christmas lunch, visited Austinmer, and so on. We let the one, often tiny, aspect of our day ruin our general thinking patterns and impact our self-worth.

Once you notice these thoughts, challenge them to impact self-worth. Ask yourself questions like:

• “Is this thought based on facts or assumptions?”
• “Would I say this to a friend?”
• “What would I say to myself if I were kind and compassionate?”

Rewriting your inner dialogue is a powerful tool to tackle low self-worth. When you catch yourself thinking negatively, replace the thought with a more affirming one. For example, instead of saying, “I’m not good enough,” try, “I am worthy of love and respect just as I am.” Your self-worth will be begin to increase.

Being kind to yourself is one of the most important aspects of building self-worth. It’s easy to be hard on yourself when things go wrong, but self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer to a friend.

When you make a mistake, instead of beating yourself up, try saying, “It’s okay, everyone makes mistakes. I’ll learn from this and move forward.” By practicing self-compassion, you reduce the negative impact of setbacks and encourage a growth mindset.

I am SHOCKING at this. Full transparency.

Low self-worth often leads to people-pleasing behaviors, where we say “yes” to others even when it’s not in our best interest. Learning to say “no” and set healthy boundaries is an essential part of self-care and preserving your self-worth.

Remember, you don’t have to be everything to everyone. Prioritise your needs and protect your time and energy. Boundaries help reinforce the idea that your well-being matters and that you have the right to take up space in the world.

People with low self-worth often downplay their achievements. It’s easy to overlook the small victories, but each success—no matter how minor—deserves recognition. Whether it’s completing a task, overcoming a fear, or simply getting through a tough day, take time to celebrate your progress.

Make a habit of writing down your wins, both big and small. Over time, you’ll begin to see just how much you accomplish and how capable you are.

The people we spend the most time with play a huge role in shaping how we see ourselves. If you’re surrounded by individuals who uplift and support you, you’re more likely to internalize those positive feelings about yourself.

On the other hand, toxic relationships—whether they’re with critical family members, unsupportive friends, or emotionally abusive partners—can undermine your self-worth. Set boundaries with these individuals or consider distancing yourself if the relationship is harmful to your well-being.

When your self-worth is low, it’s easy to get stuck in a cycle of negativity and withdrawal. Engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment—whether it’s a hobby, creative project, or physical activity—can help you reconnect with yourself and remind you of your value.

Doing things that make you feel good, and allowing yourself the space to enjoy life, will help reinforce that you are worthy of happiness and self-care.

If your low self-worth is deeply ingrained or linked to trauma, it might be helpful to seek therapy or counseling. I did. And it took me the guts of 30 years to do so. I've been to psychologists, marital counsellors, I've worked with life coaches, been on a TV show, worked with psychotherapists, started my own podcast, the lot. A mental health professional can help you explore the underlying causes of your self-doubt and guide you toward healing. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and self-esteem coaching are two common approaches that can help reframe negative thought patterns and build confidence. I also lean heavily on breathwork, particularly box breathing and the physiological sigh. Simple and easy things you can do anywhere, or on the go to impact self-worth.

Homework - an exercise worth doing for self-worth

Firstly, take a look at the picture above. It's from our recent Christmas party for Nimbus Co. This is a good number of people but also not even half of it when it comes to our staff across all seven studios nationally. Sometimes, you need to take a step back and 'smell the roses' to see what your little life has done to impacts others.

Yes, I know. Homework, no way! But trust me, this is one of those top ten things I learned through my journey that helped with self-worth. If you are feeling low and that your life doesn't mean much, try this out.

Get a pen and paper. Sit in a quiet place.

Now, I want you to start from the beginning when you were born. This is the only time where your self-worth might be low, because you're only just born. From this point forward, I want you to think of all the areas of your life, and the people, and how many of them were impacted by you, directly or indirectly. I'll start the few first bits and will leave the rest to you.

• Ok I was born, roughly between midwives and nurses, and doctors, about 20 people
• My mum and dad, 2 people
• I have 30 cousins on my dads side, plus 9 uncles and aunties and grandparents so about another 40
• My mum's side I have two uncles and about 9 cousins, so that's another 12 or so
• My cousins have kids, gosh knows I don't know how many but let's say another 20
• I went to some sort of school or kindergarden since the age of 5-21 (including University days) so that's about 16 years, say on average 30 per class, that's 480
• You get the gist, keep going through all the groups you've been in, swimming teams, soccer teams, work life, people on your social accounts and so on

Now tally up that number at the end and boy, you'll be surprised. You are worth it. Look at all those people who have been touched by your existence, and you're only getting started. Still plenty more time to go.

Your self-worth is not defined by your mistakes, appearance, or the opinions of others. It’s intrinsic—it comes from within. While the journey to building a strong sense of self-worth takes time and effort, it’s absolutely worth it. You deserve to feel confident, capable, and loved, no matter where you are in life.

Remember, when it comes to self-worth, you are worthy simply because you exist.

Words: Neil O'Sullivan, co-founder, Nimbus Co, infrared saunas and wellness studios.